Building  Your  Boy 

How  to  Do  It 
How  Not  to  Do  It 


Kenneth  H.  Wayne 


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BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


By  the  same  Author 

“Building  Your  Girl” 


Building  Your  Boy 

HOW  TO  DO  IT 
HOW  NOT  TO  DO  IT 


KENNETH  H.  WAYNE 


SECOND  EDITION 


CHICAGO 

A.  C.  McCLURG  & CO. 
1911 


Copyright 

A.  C.  McCLURG  & CO. 
1910 


Published  September  10, 1910 
Second  Edition,  May  31,  1911 


publiatiera’  ^reaa 
CHlxta^a 


n^-1 

I in 


A BOY  is  an  animated  bundle 
of  well-nigh  infinite  possi- 
bilities. 

How  best  to  develop  these  is  the 
problem;  largely  the  father’s  task. 

The  right  and  the  wrong  of  it, 
this  booklet  discusses. 


K.  H.  W. 


V 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2017  with  funding  from 

University  of  Illinois  Urbana-Champaign  Alternates 


https://archive.org/details/buildingyourboyhOOwayn 


CONTENTS 


PAGE 

Exordium ix 

I  Pride  and  Responsibility  . 1 

II  A Good  Solid  Boy  ....  7 

III  Contented  Mediocrity  . . 10 

IV  Give  Your  Boy  a Chance  . 13 

V  The  Wrong  OF  Inattention  17 

VI  Be  the  Chum  of  Your  Boy  23 
VII  Get  Interested  in  His  Af- 


fairs   26 

VIII  Concrete  Facts  ....  27 
IX  The  Boy’s  Judgment  ...  31 

X Put  a Boy  on  His  Honor  . 34 

XI  Kindliness  Versus  Coer- 
cion   36 

XH  Breaking  the  Will  of  a 

Boy 39 

vii 


CONTENTS  — Continued 


XIII  Don’t  Strike  Your  Boy  . 45 

XIV  Do  Not  Spy  on  Your  Boy  47 
XV  The  Benefit  of  a Doubt  50 

XVI  Do  Not  Nag  at  Your  Boy  53 

XVII  Make  Your  Home  Attrac- 
tive   55 

XVIII  The  Boy  and  His  Reading  64 

XIX  Choice  of  Life-work  . . 73 

XX  Encourage  Physical  De- 
velopment ....  81 

XXI  Hand -CRAFT  and  Head- 

craft  84 


Vlll 


EXORDIUM 

That  every  sane,  intelligent, 
and  active  man  of  affairs  has 
the  desire  to  perpetuate  himself, 
to  project  himself  beyond  the  limit 
of  his  years  here  in  the  world,  is 
the  teaching  of  our  literature  and 
our  experience;  the  desire  to  per- 
petuate his  name,  his  wealth,  his 
moral  characteristics,  his  business, 
and  his  political  views  and  activi- 
ties— in  a word  himself,  as  the 
personal  incarnation  of  these  be- 
longings in  life.  In  this  we  find, 
largely  at  least,  an  explanation  of 


IX 


EXOEDIUM 


the  common,  world-wide  discrimi- 
nation against  the  girls  of  the 
family  in  favor  of  the  boys. 

The  moral  justification  of  this 
discrimination  is  not  a matter  for 
debate  in  this  booklet.  This  is 
simply  a statement  of  a fact,  which 
seems  to  be  sustained  by  a domi- 
nant public  opinion,  and  law,  which 
follows  public  opinion. 

The  fact  is,  that  the  advent  of  a 
boy  baby  is  an  epoch  of  family  re- 
joicing. He  is  accorded  a heartier 
welcome  by  the  father — even  by  the 
mother — than  a girl  baby;  and  later 
in  life  he  does  not  have  to  overcome 


X 


EXORDIUM 


any  prejudice  against  his  sex,  but, 
on  the  contrary,  there  is  a definite 
and  persistent  prejudice  in  his  be- 
\ half  on  account  of  his  sex. 

It  is  not  easy  for  the  average 
person,  perhaps,  to  grasp  the  idea 
that  a difference  in  sex  constitutes 
a bar  to  the  enforcement  of  the 
ordinary  and  common  sentiments 
which  blood-relationship  is  sup- 
posed to  represent.  Yet  the  fact 
remains,  and  is  often  revealed  in 
the  distribution  of  property  by  will, 
the  law  consenting  to  the  discrim- 
ination in  favor  of  the  sons,  as 
against  the  daughters.  If  a man 


XI 


EXORDIUM 


chooses  to  treat  his  daughters  as  if 
they  were  of  minor  consideration 
by  diverting  his  property  from  them 
to  his  sons,  either  to  gratify  a feel- 
ing of  posthumous  vanity,  or  to 
make  sex  a test  of  merit,  the  law 
supports  him  in  the  discrimination. 

Right  or  wrong,  these  instances 
are  so  much  a part  of  the  regular 
course  of  events,  and  we  have  be- 
come so  accustomed  to  them,  that 
we  do  not  stop  to  think  about  their 
mischievous  purport  and  tendency. 
The  influence  of  custom  and  pre- 
cedent is  controlling;  and  funda- 
mental sentiments  of  equity  and 

xii 


EXORDIUM 


impartiality,  in  the  premises,  are 
subordinated  to  the  doctrine  of  the 
superiority  of  the  male  sex. 

So  the  boy  is  gladly  welcomed, 
because  the  father,  in  his  narrow 
selfishness,  finds  opportunity  in  his 
boy  to  realize  his  desire  to  perpetu- 
ate his  name,  personality,  and  char- 
acteristic belongings.  He  bears  the 
family  name.  He  will  carry  it  on 
through  the  years,  until,  in  his  turn 
he  leaves  it  as  a legacy  to  his  own 
son.  The  girls  marry,  merge,  and 
lose  it. 

As  the  boy  advances  in  years,  he 
is  assisted  and  stimulated  in  every 

xiii 


EXORDIUM 


way.  Not  only  his  family,  but  the 
world  at  large,  affords  ample  scope 
for  the  assertion  of  all  his  possi- 
bilities and  powers,  and  liberal  re- 
wards follow  his  endeavors.  If  he 
shows  an  aptitude  for  public  and 
political  service,  society  hastens  to 
open  the  path  for  him  to  the  high- 
est honors. 


XIV 


Building  Y our  Boy 


I 


PRIDE  AND  RESPONSIBILITY 

a father,  you  cannot  be  too 


1.  JL  proud  of  the  fact  that  you 
have  a Boy  in  your  home ; that  he  is 
your  Boy ; that  he  is  to  share  in  the 
intimacies  and  private  associations 
of  your  home;  that  amid  these 
associations  and  in  the  atmosphere 
of  your  home,  this  Boy  is  to  grow 
and  develop,  physically,  mentally, 
morally.  It  is  to  be  his  play  and 
study  ground  for  some  years. 


1 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


Nor  can  you  too  deeply  feel  the 
responsibility  of  your  fatherhood. 
That  along  with  your  other  affairs 
of  life,  you  are  going  to  build,  and, 
in  large  measure  equip,  a human 
being  for  life-work,  a Boy,  then  a 
young  man.  It  may  be  pardon- 
able that  you  purpose  and  plan  to 
make  him  another  You.  That  is 
for  your  decision. 

Consciously  and  unconsciously, 

you  will  give  this  Boy  physical, 

mental,  and  moral  shape.  From  you, 

as  his  father,  the  Boy  will  take 

his  first  ideas  in  manliness,  in 

honor  and  integrity,  in  morals,  in 
2 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

politics,  in  social  life,  in  religion. 
You  cannot  shift  this  responsibil- 
ity; nor  should  you  want  to  do  it. 
Your  pride  in  him  will  protest 
against  it.  He  is  your  Boy,  and 
you  are  his  pattern  Man.  After  a 
while  he  will  know  other  men,  but 
now,  in  his  formative  period,  you 
are  his  model  man. 

Every  day  you  may  take  your 
Boy  by  the  hand  and  heart,  and 
with  fatherly  wisdom  and  discern- 
ment and  kindliness,  train  and 
educate  and  equip  him,  to  meet 
successfully  the  test  of  the  hour 

when,  as  a man,  he  enters  real  life 
3 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


and  the  world’s  work.  Therein 
lies  the  foundation  of  all  true  Boy- 
building; pride  and  responsibility. 
His  safe-conduct  in  growth  and 
development  amid  the  dangers  that 
lie  ambushed  along  the  pathway 
of  every  Boy,  will  depend  upon 
the  character  of  your  interest 
in  him,  the  expenditure  of  your 
care,  and  the  wisdom  that  is 
yours,  through  experience  out  in 
the  world. 

While  there  is  no  occasion  for 

the  hysterical  and  frenzied  clam- 

orings  of  the  average  reformer — 

which  give  scant  credit  to  the  good 
4 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


and  trustworthy  qualities  of  the 
average  Boy — there  is  opportunity 
enough  for  the  exercise  of  these 
finer  qualities  of  the  father,  in  a 
kindly,  beneficent,  and  benignant 
guidance  of  his  Boy,  most  of  which 
will  be  in  the  home  intimacies 
and  associations. 

With  his  Boy,  every  father  will 
have  a different,  and  his  own  task. 
Different  problems  will  present 
themselves,  but  there  is  a common 
term  of  specifications  applicable  in 
all  cases  of  Boy-building.  They 
are  offered  in  these  pages.  It  was 

Mr.  Spencer  who  said: 

5 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


“By  no  method  of  alchemy  can  we 
get  golden  conduct  out  of  leaden  in- 
stincts; but  instincts  can  be  changed; 
fresh  grafts  can  be  introduced  upon  the 
stock ; the  whole  tree  can  be  trained  in 
a new  direction.” 

In  Boy-building,  and  with  the 
ability  and  power  in  the  father’s 
hands,  nothing  should  be  left  to 
chance  or  to  possible  adventitious 
circumstances. 


6 


II 

A GOOD  SOLID  BOY 

Take  it  for  granted  that  you 
have  a good,  solid  boy,  with- 
out any  of  the  intensities.  If  so, 
be  thankful.  It  is  these  intensities, 
these  keen  points,  that  make  mis- 
chief. We  should  despise  them. 
The  world  has  had  enough  of  them, 
and  to  spare.  More  than  one  Soc- 
rates would  have  made  wreck  and 
ruin  of  Athens.  More  than  one 
Emerson  would  have  destroyed 
the  literary  prestige  of  Boston.  It 

is  a blunder  to  wish  that  the  world 
7 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


might  have  more  Shakespeares. 
One  was  enough.  Providence  did 
not  duplicate  Washington.  A sec- 
ond might  have  become  a pilot  on 
an  oyster  dredge. 

Be  glad  that  your  Boy  is  not 
a genius, — cadaverous  at  twenty, 
bony  at  fifteen,  wearing  spectacles 
at  twelve,  the  pride  of  the  village 
at  ten.  Set  apart  for  the  ministry, 
the  genius  generally  bolts  and  goes 
into  law  or  politics,  or  both.  In 
your  soul  be  thankful  that  your 
Boy  is  not  an  intensity  of  this 
kind.  Be  glad  that  he  is  a medi- 
ocre fellow;  that  he  is  handsome 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

in  body,  strapping  like  an  Absalom; 
handsome  in  mind,  not  a whit 
more ; that  he  is  ordinarily  clever; 
rotund  as  a Johnsonian  sentence; 
not  specially  vicious;  not  abnor- 
mally good;  with  a wholesome 
look,  bright  eye,  and  a magnetic 
atmosphere. 

All  this  will  give  him  a chance 
for  morals.  By  morals,  we  mean 
a healthy,  wholesome  way  of  look- 
ing at  things  of  real  life.  You  can 
afford  to  be  thankful  for  that 
sort  of  material  with  which  to 
Build  a Boy. 


9 


Ill 

CONTENTED  MEDIOCRITY 

MEDIOCKITT  has  its  compen- 
sations on  all  sides.  Teach 
that  to  your  boy.  The  hour  when 
it  becomes  clear  to  a youngster 
that  his  life  is,  in  all  probability, 
to  move  along  the  pavement  of 
mediocrity,  may  be  full  of  danger, 
or  it  may  be  full  of  hope.  If  he  is 
wise  and  courageous  enough  to 
compromise  with  the  gilded  gew- 
gaws and  aspirations  of  the  average 
baccalaureate,  and  to  accept  the 

hard-hammered  promises  of  an  in- 
10 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

tensely  practical  world,  well  and 
good.  That  is,  if  he  can  make 
up  his  mind  to  get  along  without 
either  of  the  different  sorts  of  in- 
spiration which  come  to  men  who 
are  better  off,  and  to  men  who  are 
worse  off  than  he  is,  he  is  toler- 
ably safe.  Let  him  be  satisfied 
with  being  neither  a five-talent 
man  nor  a one-talent  man,  but  a 
middle  man,  who  is  neither  very 
much  nor  very  little.  That  is  a 
good  lesson  to  teach  your  Boy.  And 
it  is  especially  pertinent  in  these 
days  of  “honor  men,”  medals, 

degrees,  and  so  many  of  those 
11 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


brilliant,  imaginative,  and  word- 
decorated gang-planks,  over  which 
college  presidents  are  wont  to  send 
graduates  from  their  ships  of  learn- 
ing to  the  shore  of  a very  matter- 
of-fact  and  practical  world. 


12 


IV 

GIVE  YOUE  BOY  A CHANCE 

IF  you  are  fortunate  enough  to 

have  an  all-round  Boy,  say  in 

his  middle  ’teens,  then  give  the 

little  fellow  a chance.  By  chance 

is  meant  a great  deal  more  than  the 

commonly  acted-out  notion  that  a 

boy  is  a sort  of  cipher  with  the  rim 

rubbed  off  all  the  way  round,  and 

that  any  old  thing  in  the  way  of 

treatment- — just  any  haphazard, 

indifferent  attention  and  training 

— will  do  for  him.  Of  course,  there 

is  neither  decent  treatment  nor 
13 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

training  in  it,  and  yet  it  is  about 
what  is  really  accorded  to  more  than 
half  our  boys,  even  in  homes  where 
the  persons  claim  to  be  civilized  and 
eminently  respectable,  cultured,  and 
Christianized.  The  marvel  is  that 
so  many  of  these  boys  grow  up  into 
clean,  wholesome  men.  It  would  be 
a weighty  addition  to  philosophy 
and  science  to  know  why  they 
succeed  as  they  do. 

No  man  who  owns  a Boy  could 

made  a greater  blunder  than  to  take 

that  view  of  him,  unless  he  looks 

at  his  Boy  as  a kind  of  croquet  ball 

that  must  be  forced  through  certain 
14  . 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

wickets  by  the  insistent  use  of  the 
mallet  of  authority,  which  expresses 
itself  in  blows,  dwelling  on  faults, 
iteration  of  “don’ts”  and  scolds 
and  frets,  and  the  belittling  of  every- 
thing the  small  fellow  does  or  tries 
to  do.  When  we  know  that  that 
is  the  curriculum  in  tens  of  thou- 
sands of  homes,  the  surprise  is  that 
there  are  so  many  splendid  Boys. 

Some  fathers  assume  that  atti- 
tude so  persistently  that  the  Boy 
comes  to  believe,  without  knowing 
the  philosophy  in  relation  to  it, 
that  his  defects  have  been  branded 

deeply  into  his  nature,  and  that  it 
15 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

is  not  worth  while  for  him  to  try 
to  get  rid  of  them.  The  father 
who  assumes  that  sort  of  an  atti- 
tude toward  his  Boy  does  n’t 
deserve  to  have  a Boy.  As  a 
parent,  he  is  a misfit.  He  isn’t 
even  a decent  heathen.  He  be- 
longs to  that  class  of  men  who  are 
always  condemning  Boys  for  get- 
ting away  from  home  at  the  earliest 
possible  legal  moment,  or  before, 
and  who  stay  away.  No  sane  man 
can  blame  the  Boys. 


16 


V 

THE  WRONG  OF  INATTENTION 


bad  as  either  of  these  is  the 


^ inattention  of  the  father 
who  is  always  “too  busy”  with  his 
affairs,  his  club,  his  newspaper,  or 
his  theatre  to  listen  to,  or  to  give  any 
time  to  his  Boy;  “too  busy”  to 
have  a chat  with  him;  “too busy” 
to  take  any  interest  in  his  Boy’s 
affairs;  “too  busy”  to  visit  the 
schoolroom  of  his  Boy  on  examina- 
tion day,  to  watch  his  Boy  play 
ball  now  and  then,  to  go  to  the  fair 
or  the  zoo  or  the  circus  with  his 


17 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

Boy,  to  go  swimming  or  fishing 
with  him. 

Every  father  ought  to  look  upon 
these  intimate  associations  with 
his  Boy  as  among  the  greatest 
privileges  of  fatherhood,  and  to 
look  upon  their  neglect  as  being 
fraught  with  evil  consequences. 
The  Boy  is  sensitive  on  this  point. 
He  desires  above  all  things  the 
companionship  and  interest  of  his 
father.  It  stimulates  and  inspires 
him  to  do  the  best  he  can.  A 
word  from  his  father,  even  the 
presence  and  manifested  interest 

of  his  father,  will  give  the  Boy 

18 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

pleasure  and  encouragement.  If 
the  father  neglects  these  oppor- 
tunities of  a close  and  helpful  as- 
sociation with  his  Boy,  and  shows 
no  interest,  the  Boy  feels  it  keenly, 
more  keenly  than  most  of  us  im- 
agine. He  grows  discouraged,  in- 
different, and  careless,  not  only  as 
to  his  achievements  in  his  studies, 
but  as  to  his  associations. 

There  are  thousands  of  men, 
gray  of  hair,  and  of  middle  age, 
who  would  give  half  their  posses- 
sions to  be  able  to  go  back  and 
correct  the  error  of  the  “too  busy” 

father,  and  share  these  simple 
19 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

things  with  their  Boys  the  neglect 
of  which  has  cost  them  pain  and 
sorrow.  The  regret  has  come  too 
late. 

The  “too  busy”  of  the  father 
has  cost  many  a Boy  heartache  and 
disappointment;  has  made  a wide 
breach  between  father  and  son ; 
has  lost  the  father  many  an  oppor- 
tunity of  being  morally  helpful  to 
his  Boy.  It  has  sent  many  a Boy 
into  the  “far  country”  of  the  street 
and  lounging  places  of  town  and 
city,  where  he  has  had  put  into  the 
structure  of  his  character  materials 

in  the  way  of  evil  habits  which 
20 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


have  laid  his  life  in  wreck  and  ruin, 

— materials  which  the  “too  busy” 
father  would  now  be  glad  enough 
to  get  out  at  any  cost.  His  “too 
busy”  has  wedged  and  mortised 
them  in.  These  evil  habits  are 
more  “catching”  than  the  most 
contagious  disease,  more  tenacious. 

One  evil  habit  may  be,  often  is, 
the  source  of  all  the  subsequent 
ruin  of  manhood.  It  is  the  duty  X 
of  the  father  to  stand  by  his  Boy 
in  the  closest  association,  until  he 
is  sure  that  the  character  of  the 
Boy  is  sufficiently  well  formed  to 

resist  the  encroachments  of  evil. 

21 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


V 


At  a very  early  age  the  father 
should  impart  to  his  Boy  that  wise 
instruction  which  may  forestall  the 
enemy  of  moral  cleanliness  and 
purity.  To  keep  the  Boy  clean 
and  pure  and  wholesome  should  be 
the  strife  of  the  father.  Not  to  do 
it  is  to  be  criminally  negligent. 


22 


VI 

BE  THE  CHUM  OF  YOUR  BOY 


a father,  chum  with  your 


^ Boy.  No  father  should  ever 
grow  too  old  or  too  dignified  to  be 
the  intimate  companion,  the  real 
chum,  of  his  boy.  He  makes  the 
mistake  of  his  life  when  he  does 
not  do  it. 

Win  the  confidence  of  your  Boy, 
every  whit  of  it.  Win  his  affec- 
tion, his  highest  esteem.  It  will 
be  a sad,  well-nigh  tragic  break  in 
the  life  of  a Boy  when,  for  any  rea- 
son, the  father  ceases  to  be  to  him 


23 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

the  best  and  finest  man  in  the 
world.  To  win  and  keep  the  con- 
fidence of  his  Boy  is  the  privilege 
and  duty  of  the  father;  the  earlier 
in  life  it  comes  to  the  father,  the 
better. 

A Boy  wants  company  and  com- 
panionship; he  wants  a confidant. 
All  human  nature  is  gregarious. 
The  human  nature  of  your  Boy  is 
no  exception.  No  one  is  so  natur- 
ally the  companion  and  confidant 
of  the  Boy  as  the  father.  Be  his 
chum.  Do  not,  as  you  value  his 
future  good  and  your  own  peace  of 

conscience,  by  your  “too  busy’’  or 
24 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

your  indifference  in  his  boyish  in- 
terests, send  him  elsewhere  for  his 
intimate  associations  and  compan- 
ionships. 


25 


VII 

GET  INTERESTED  IN  HIS  AFFAIRS 

Get  interested  in  what  he  re- 
gards as  the  chief  affairs  of  his 
boyish  life.  It  will  pay  you,  in  more 
ways  than  one.  You  will  discover 
that  it  is  a mutual  give  and  take. 
Your  Boy  gets  the  benefit  of  your 
knowledge  and  mature  experience, 
which  he  will  appreciate  as  fine  and 
great  because  you  are  his  father,  and 
you  will  get  some  of  his  youngness 
into  you  and  find  that  it  helps  might- 
ily. The  more  of  it  you  get,  the 

less  the  years  count  in  your  life. 

26 


VIII 

CONCRETE  FACTS 

SIMPLY  because  concrete  facts 
are  of  worth  here,  the  author 
gives  a bit  of  his  own  experience. 
Experience  is  what  we  go  through ; 
what  goes  through  us.  It  taught 
me  that,  while  at  first  it  was  not 
easy  to  get  down  to  my  Boy’s 
level,  it  would  have  been  a 
wretched  mistake  not  to  persist  in 
it  to  accomplishment,  and  that  it 
would  also  have  been  a mistake  to 
try  to  lift  my  Boy  and  his  belong- 
ings and  interests  to  my  level. 
27 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


And  so,  without  any  inklings  of 
either  the  patronizing  spirit  or  su- 
perior knowledge,  I knuckled  down 
to  kites,  pet  rabbits,  woodchuck- 
hunting, Indian  wigwams,  baseball, 
marbles,  figure-fours,  swimming, 
skating,  reading,  school  work — in  a 
word,  the  whole  A B C of  boyish 
interests  and  delights. 

Looking  back  at  it  through  a doz- 
en years  or  more,  two  things  in  that 
experience  stand  out  clearly ; it 
did  me  good  all  round,  and  it  gave 
me  my  Boy,  as  fully  as  is  possible 
for  a father  to  have  his  Boy, — gave 

me  his  confidence,  his  affection, 
28 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


his  esteem.  The  memory  of  it  is 
pleasant,  and  will  have  no  dying, 
nor  here,  nor  beyond  the  crossing. 

Fathers  who  try  it  will  find  that 
it  pays,  in  the  coinages  of  what  is 
richest  in  life,  to  plan  a late  after- 
noon or  an  evening  at  home  or 
afield  with  the  Boy — with  him  and 
for  him,  to  be  his  alone.  If  there 
is  sacrifice  in  it,  and  the  Boy  knows 
it,  so  much  the  better. 

Play  games  with  him,  even  rol- 
licking ones ; have  quiet  talks  with 
him  about  his  affairs;  get  at  his 
heart-thinkings;  read  with  him;  tell 

him  stories — all  this,  rather  than 
29 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

go  so  often  to  tlie  club,  the  theatre, 
or  social  functions.  Such  hours 
with  your  Boy  make  bright  spots 
and  incidents  in  his  life, — happy 
events,  filled  with  untellable  influ- 
ences for  good.  Somewhere  in  his 
life,  fronting  temptation,  the  mem- 
ory of  these  hours  will  prove  morally 
bracing  and  saving.  We  may  well 
pity  the  Boy  whose  younger  years 
have  had  no  comradeship  with 
father.  It  is  the  inalienable  right 
of  your  Boy,  and  any  act  or  circum- 
stance that  deprives  him  of  it  is  a 
violation  of  justice  and  equity,  a la- 
mentable mistake  of  fatherhood. 

30 


IX 

THE  boy’s  judgment 


DO  not  ignore  the  fact  of  your 

Boy’s  judgment.  Boys  in 

their  ’teens  have  a keenness  and 

accuracy  of  judgment  for  which 

they  get  scant  credit.  A boy  of 

this  age  knows  intuitively  whether 

his  confidence  is  wanted,  and 

where  to  place  it.  He  knows, 

too,  whether  interest  in  him  and 

his  affairs  is  genuine  or  not.  A 

Boy  has  sharp  eyes  and  detects 

shams  at  a glance.  Any  namby- 

pamby  make-believe,  and  half- 
31 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

hearted  interest  is  soon  detected 
by  a Boy. 

First  of  all,  the  Boy  wants  to 
give  his  full  confidence  to  his 
father;  he  wants  to  place  it  there. 
The  father  should  get  it  and  hold 
it.  The  time  in  which  a father 
has  a helpful,  shaping  influence 
with  his  Boy  is  limited.  It  is 
shorter  than  many  of  us  realize. 
Indeed,  your  Boy  may  have  reached 
confirmed  tendencies  before  you 
have  thought  about  creating  them, 
before  you  begin  to  perform  your 
duty  in  this  direction.  The  criti- 
cally formative  period  in  your  Boy’s 
32 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

life  is,  perhaps,  between  twelve  and 
sixteen  years  of  age.  It  is  then 
that  the  tendencies  toward  shaping 
character  are  getting  well  settled  in 
their  moulds.  In  these  years  the 
father  should  be  especially  com- 
panionable with  and  watchful  of 
his  Boy.  It  is  the  character  crisis 
point  in  the  Boy’s  life. 


33 


X 

PUT  A BOY  ON  HIS  HONOR 


s far  as  possible  — and  the  pos- 


^ sibilities  are  much  greater 
than  we  commonly  suppose — a 
father  should  put  a Boy  on  his 
honor.  At  an  early 'age  a Boy  has 
the  sense  of  honor,  knows  what 
honorable  conduct  is  and  what  it 
means.  The  sense  of  right  and 
wrong  is  instinctive  in  all  human- 
ity. Give  the  Boy  a chance,  as 
far  as  possible,  to  make  his  own 
settlement  of  these  questions  of 
right  and  wrong  in  conduct. 


34 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

Every  Boy  likes  to  be  trusted. 
Above  all,  be  wants  his  father 
to  trust  him,  to  believe  in  him,  to 
trust  him  in  word  and  act,  to  be- 
lieve that  he  will  do  right. 

Somebody  asked  the  great  actor, 
Joseph  Jefferson,  what  he  was  do- 
ing for  his  children  in  the  way  of 
training.  He  replied:  “I  am  train- 
ing them  to  fish,  to  play  fair,  and 
to  tell  the  truth;  I trust  them.” 
Not  in  one  case  in  a hundred  will 
a Boy  who  is  put  on  his  honor  dis- 
appoint his  father.  Let  the  Boy 
know  that  you  believe  in  his  honor, 

that  his  word  is  good  with  you. 

35 


XI 

KINDLINESS  VERSUS  COERCION 

X'  T^INDNESS  is  the  highest  hu- 
man  excellence;  and  no- 
where is  it  more  applicable,  more 
positive  in  value,  and  more  certain 
of  good  results,  than  in  the  building 
of  a Boy.  Kindness  in  treatment 
will  touch  and  temper  the  better 
qualities  in  him,  and  induce  obedi- 
ence; coercion  will  not.  You  cannot 
make  men  moral  by  law,  nor  can 
X/  children  be  compelled  to  be  good. 

In  your  Boy -building,  there 

should  be  no  compulsion,  no  scold- 

36 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


ing,  no  nagging.  There  should  be 
no  attempt  to  drive  the  Boy,  than 
whom  nothing  in  the  world  is  more 
stubborn  when  antagonized  by 
injustice  and  inconsiderateness, 
nothing  more  amenable  to  fairness. 
In  Boy-building  kindliness  is  in- 
stinct with  success,  because  instinct 
with  the  qualities  of  justice,  sym- 
pathy, and  helpfulness.  The  father 
who  is  kind  respects  his  Boy, 
honors  him,  treats  him  with  the 
highest  consideration,  is  tender  and 
humane  toward  his  Boy. 

Your  Boy  is  yours,  now,  in  his 

’teens,  and  if  you  fulfil  this  law  of 
37 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


kindness,  he  will  be  yours  later  in 
life.  By  this  treatment  you  may 
influence  and  control  his  life  long 
after  he  has  gone  out  of  his  home. 
The  Boy  who  has  a kind,  close, 
companionable  confidant  in  his 
father,  and  finds  him  genuinely  in- 
terested in  what  concerns  him  as 
a Boy,  will  not  in  after-life,  as  a 
man,  yield  easily,  if  at  all,  to  the 
temptation  of  mean  and  contempt- 
ible things. 


38 


BREAKING  THE  WILL  OF  A BOY 

Coercion,  or  what  is  termed 
“breaking  the  will”  of  a 
Boy,  is  cruel,  inhuman,  and  un- 
manly; a relic  of  the  most  igno- 
rant and  brutal  paganism  in  the 
annals  of  the  race.  No  father  has 
the  right  under  any  circumstances 
to  attempt  the  breaking  the  will 
of  his  Boy.  Fathers  who  do  try 
this  sort  of  thing  contend  that 
they  find  warrant  for  the  brutality 
(and  it  is  brutality)  in  the  Scrip- 
tures. They  will  glibly  quote  Deu- 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

teronomy  XXI,  and  the  Proverbs. 
“ Train  up  a child  [by  coercion]  in 
the  way  he  should  go  [according  to 
this  father’s  idea],  and  when  he  is 
old  he  will  not  depart  from  it.” 

The  counsel  of  Solomon  should 
be  read  as  he  uttered  it:  “Train 
up  a child  according  to  his  way 
[his  temperament],  and  even  when 
he  is  old,  he  will  not  depart  from 
it.”  The  meaning  is  clear.  The 
Boy’s  temperament  and  peculiari- 
ties, the  needs  of  his  nature  in  the 
individual  sense,  should  be  taken 
into  account  and  carefully  consid- 
ered. His  training  should  be 

adapted  especially  to  these,  so  that 
40 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


he  is  helped  into  his  proper  way, 
rather  than  into  any  way  picked 
out  for  him  by  a strong-willed 
father.  Solomon’s  injunction  is 
utterly  opposed  to  this  “will-break- 
ing.” The  author  of  the  Proverbs 
was  a wise  man,  and  it  is  n’t  even 
thinkable  that  he  would  advocate 
will-breaking  in  children. 

Unable  to  interpret  intelligently 
the  Scriptures,  and  actuated  by  sel- 
fish and  unenlightened  motives, 
these  fathers  make  the  blunder. 
Will-training  is  an  important  part 
of  the  Building  of  a Boy,  but  will- 
breaking has  no  part  or  place  in  it. 

It  is  noteworthy  that  the  mother 
41, 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

always  protests  against  it.  Her 
intuition  is  far  superior  to  this 
man’s  judgment.  The  father  who 
sets  out  on  a campaign  of  coercion 
and  will-breaking  in  the  training 
of  his  Boy  is  totally  ignorant  of 
the  first  principles  of  parental  rela- 
tionship. 

A broken  will  is  a broken  bow. 
Will  is  the  power  of  choice.  A 
Boy  is  endowed  with  it.  It  is  God- 
implanted.  There  can  be  no  choice 
when,  under  coercion,  there  is  but 
one  possible  course  to  pursue.  To 
do  under  compulsion  and  force  is 
not  to  choose. 


42 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

No  sane  man  claims  that  the  will 
of  a Boy  should  be  lawless,  or  that 
he  should  scout  and  trample  upon 
home  authority.  Nor,  if  there  is 
kind,  persuasive  training  will  it 
be.  It  is  common  information  that 
wholly  unrestrained  recklessness 
in  youth  makes  criminals,  but  if 
the  statistics  in  criminology  and 
the  records  of  our  police  courts  are 
worth  anything  as  evidence,  they 
prove  absolutely  that  more  boys 
and  girls  go  wrong  because  of  un- 
fair, unjust,  and  brutal  treatment 
in  the  home,  than  from  any  other 

cause.  That  is  the  belief  of  every 
43 


BUILDING  YOUK  BOY 


chief  of  police  in  this  country.  To 
crush  out  and  break  the  will  of  a 
Boy,  to  wound  his  spirit  in  his  cal- 
low and  formative  years,  by  cruel, 
coercive  methods,  is  to  destroy  the 
groundwork  of  manhood  and  life. 
The  divine  plan  is,  that  control 
and  training  shall  be  saturated 
with  the  grace  of  kindness  and 
suffused  with  interest  and  persua- 
sion. If  some  correction  is  neces- 
sary to  exact  obedience,  give  your 
Boy  a reason  for  it,  and  deprive 
him  of  some  coveted  pleasure, 
rather  than  resort  to  corporal 
methods. 


44 


XIII 

don’t  strike  your  boy 

No  matter  what  the  offence, 
don’t  strike  your  Boy,  with 
hand  or  fist.  A father  should  be 
V ashamed  to  strike  his  Boy.  No 
man  worthy  of  fatherhood  will  do 
it.  It  is  both  brutal  and  cowardly 
V in  any  father.  If  he  is  the  average 
Boy,  a blow  from  his  father  injures 
his  self-respect  and  suddenly  in- 
terrupts, if  it  does  not  break,  the 
tender  threads  of  affection  that 
should  bind  a Boy  to  his  father. 

In  most  of  these  cases  of  physical 
45 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

punisliment  the  Boy  feels  that  his 
father  inflicts  it  because  he  is 
physically  able  to  do  it.  No  cor- 
poral  punishment  in  the  home 
ought  to  be  the  rule.  The  grace 
of  kindness  and  persuasion  is  far 
more  effective.  Every  human 
being  is  susceptible  to  kindness. 
That,  and  a judicious  exercise  of 
real  fatherliness,  will  accomplish 
the  desirable  ends. 


46 


XIV 

DO  NOT  SPY  ON  YOUK  BOY 

WHATEVER  else  you  may 

do,  do  not  play  the  spy  on 

your  Boy.  That  is  a contemptible 

stoop  in  a father.  If  you  wanted 

to  destroy  your  Boy’s  confidence  in 

you  and  shatter  his  affection  and 

esteem  for  you,  you  could  not  find 

a better  way  to  do  it.  It  is 

beneath  the  dignity  of  a father.  If 

you  attempt  it,  he  will  find  it  out, 

and  when  he  does,  so  far  as  your 

influence  for  his  good  is  concerned, 
47 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

you  have  lost  your  Boy.  You  can- 
not adopt  any  course  of  conduct 
toward  your  Boy  that  will  so 
quickly,  so  thoroughly,  and  so  ever- 
lastingly drive  you  out  of  his  life. 
Nothing  you  can  do,  no  apology 
you  can  make,  will  repair  the  in- 
jury or  reinstate  you  in  his  affec- 
tion and  esteem.  He  will  live 
with  you,  technically  obey  you ; 
but  the  fact  that  you  have  refused 
to  trust  him,  and  have  stooped  to 
spy  on  him,  is  an  evidence  of  your 
disbelief  in  him,  and  will  always 

remain  a rankling  wound  in  his 

48 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


heart.  He  will  give  you  distrust 
for  distrust,  and  withhold  his  con- 
fidence. The  embarrassment  of  the 
situation  will  be  very  painful  to 
you. 


49 


XV 

THE  BENEFIT  OF  A DOUBT 

IF  occasion  arise  where  you,  as  a 
father,  think  you  have  a case 
involving  the  integrity  of  your 
Boy,  the  utmost  caution  and  tact 
should  be  used.  Sift  it  to  the  bot- 
tom before  you  either  speak  to  him 
or  act.  His  whole  future,  and 
your  peace  of  mind,  may  pivot  on 
this  incident.  Your  Boy  is  en- 
titled to  the  benefit  of  any  doubt. 
Don’t  attempt  any  ‘‘third  degree” 
device.  Get  incontrovertible  proof 

of  the  guilt  of  your  Boy  before  you 
50 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

accuse  him;  accept  nothing  less. 

If  it  is  against  him,  let  him  tell 

his  story  of  the  alfair.  Do  not 

question  him  while  he  tells  it. 

Sympathetically  listen.  Weigh  all 

the  circumstances.  If  he  has  done 

wrong  on  the  spur  of  the  moment, 

impulsively,  without  viciousness, 

while  you  may  not  condone  the  act, 

you  can  be  fair  and  considerate. 

If  he  is  penitent,  let  him  find 

forgiveness  and  no  change  in  your 

confidence  in  him.  Let  him  be 

altogether  conscious  of  this.  It 

will  deepen  his  penitence.  That 

he  has  caused  you  sorrow  and  pain 
51 


U.  OF  ILL  LIB. 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


is  enough.  After  the  incident  is 
closed,  never  let  him  have  occasion 
to  feel  that  you  are  keeping  it 
against  him.  Like  the  reasonable 
being  that  he  is,  he  will  not  do 
the  wrong  again.  If  there  is  the 
shadow  of  a doubt  as  to  his  guilt, 
give  the  Boy  the  benefit  of  that 
doubt. 


52 


XVI 

DO  NOT  NAG  AT  YOUR  BOY 

I \0  not  nag  at  your  Boy.  If 
he  breaks  or  tears,  do  not 
display  a nagging,  scolding,  fretting 
spirit.  If  he  is  a wide-awake,  fun- 
loving  Boy,  do  not  crucify  his  jubi- 
lant spirit.  Do  not  snap  him  up 
with  any  sharp,  brusque,  and  harsh 
reprimand.  He  is  just  a Boy,  and 
your  Boy.  He  has  all  the  exuber- 
ance of  a wild  animal.  If  he 
expresses  an  opinion,  do  not  cut 
him  out  with  some  exclamation 

that  has  the  tone  of  displeasure  in 
53 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


it.  Hear  him;  and  if  he  is  right, 
commend  him.  If  he  is  wrong, 
then  kindly  set  him  right.  He 
takes  himself  seriously  as  a Boy. 

Do  not  call  his  attention  to  the 
model  Boy  next  door,  by  the  way 
of  comparison,  to  the  discredit  of 
himself.  It  is  a common  and  a 
great  mistake  which  fathers  make. 
Quite  often,  the  Boy  next  door  is 
an  insulferable  prig,  who  is  about 
as  animated  as  a cigar-store  Indian, 
and,  as  a model  of  primness  and 
virtue,  is  given  to  calling  attention 
to  his  own  goodness.  No  Boy  pro- 
fits by  these  extraordinary  models. 

54 


XVII 

MAKE  YOUR  HOME  ATTRACTIVE 

Make  the  home  a delightsome 
place  for  your  Boy.  Make 
its  surroundings  and  its  atmos- 
phere congenial  and  appealingly 
pleasant.  You  can  make  it  so 
much  this  that  your  Boy  will  not 
care  to  spend  his  leisure  hours 
elsewhere.  Sometimes  it  is  the 
monotony  of  home  life  of  which 
the  Boy  may  weary.  Among 
adults,  monotony  creates  worry  and 
discontent.  Have  something  new 

and  fresh  and  interesting  with 
55 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

wBicli  to  entertain  your  Boy  and 
contribute  to  his  love  of  home. 

Among  other  things,  give  him 
a room  that  he  can  refer  to  as  his 
own,  where  he  can  keep  and  dis- 
play his  own  boyish  belongings. 
Not  away  off  in  the  top  of  the 
house, — maybe  in  the  unceiled 
story, — where  the  little  fellow 
swelters  through  the  summer  and 
shivers  through  the  winter  nights, 
a room  all  devoid  of  comfort  and 
attractiveness.  Every  Boy  has  the 
instinct  of  fitness  and  decency, 
with  some  sense  of  beauty,  and 

everything  about  this  average  up- 
56 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

stairs  room  outrages  and  insults 
these  instincts.  It  is  usually  given 
to  him  in  the  wretched  notion  that 
anything  will  do  for  a Boy. 

Your  Boy  is  entitled  to  some- 
thing better  than  this.  Give  him 
a room  in  a better  part  of  the 
house.  Have  it  tastefully  ar- 
ranged, with  some  good  story  tell- 
ing pictures  on  the  walls  to  greet 
his  morning  eyes;  books  and  fancy 
things  on  the  table.  Give  it  an 
air  of  comfort  and  attractiveness. 
Let  him  feel  the  pride  of  owner- 
ship; let  him  recognize  your  love 

and  interest  in  all  that  it  contains. 

57 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


Give  him  the  privilege  of  having 
boy  companions  visit  him  there. 
Visit  with  him  yourself,  not  only 
when  he  may  be  sick,  but  when  he 
is  well.  Take  an  interest  in  what 
he  has  there  as  his  own.  Add 
something  to  his  treasures  now  and 
then.  These  visits  offer  rare  op- 
portunities for  getting  hold  of  the 
deepest  affections  of  your  Boy. 

Such  a room  as  that,  and  the  daily 

care  of  it,  will  do  more  to  create  in 

your  Boy  contentment  and  a love 

of  home,  and  stimulate  his  sense 

of  order  and  neatness,  and  make 

him  morally  stronger  in  hours  of 
68 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


temptation,  than  almost  anything 
else  you  can  do  for  him.  It  will, 
as  well,  awaken  within  him  the 
desire  to  please  you  by  obedience 
and  good  conduct.  In  this  you  are 
enacting  one  of  the  finest  maxims  in 
our  speech:  “Starve  the  evil  in 
a man  by  feeding  the  good  there  is 
in  him.’’ 

All  this  is  within  the  reach  and 
means  of  every  father  who  has  a 
home.  The  lack  of  it  is  not  so 
much  a matter  of  means  as  it  is  of 
thoughtlessness  and  want  of  con- 
sideration. 

An  attractive  home,  to  which  a 
59 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

Boy  will  go  with  delight,  will  great- 
ly reduce  the  possibilities  of  con- 
tamination by  contact  with  evil 
associations  which  lie  await  out- 
side. And  these  evil  associations 
will  lie  there  always,  and  await 
always.  Tour  Boy  must  meet  them. 
He  is  not  an  immune.  Nothing 
you  can  do  will  give  your  Boy  im- 
munity. What  you  can  do,  by 
teaching  and  training  and  the  in- 
culcation of  the  principles  of  the 
virtues  and  manliness,  is  to  pre- 
empt the  fertile  soil  of  his  young 
mind,  laying  the  foundations  for 

moral  cleanliness,  honor,  self- 
60 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


respect,  and  mental  integrity, 
strengthening  and  equipping  him 
for  the  ordeal  through  which  he 
must  inevitably  pass  on  his  way 
up  in  years. 

So  long,  and  so  far  as  possible, 

prevent  contact  with  associations 

that  are  evil.  As  a father,  you 

ought  to  know  a good  deal  about 

the  character  of  the  associates  of 

your  Boy,  the  boys  he  likes  and 

has  chosen  as  companions.  You 

cannot  know  them  as  intimately  as 

you  know  your  Boy,  but  you  can 

know  enough  for  a decision  as  to 

their  fitness  or  unfitness  as  corn- 
el 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


panions  for  your  Boy;  and  it  is 
dereliction  on  your  part  not  to 
know. 

And  places,  you  should  know,  as 
well  as  Boys.  A father  will  find  it 
a good  rule  to  get  firmly  fixed  in 
the  mind  and  heart  of  his  Boy 
never  to  go  into  doubtful  places; 
and  not  only  places  that  are  known 
to  be  doubtful,  but  places  that  are 
not  known  to  be  safe.  This  is  a 
rule  that,  obeyed,  will  be  help- 
ful in  guarding  your  Boy  against 
contaminations  of  evil. 

If  a Boy  has  such  a home,  and 

such  a room  in  it,  he  will  find  there 
62 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


alluring  occupations  for  time  and 
mind.  A true  fatherly  interest  will 
find  a way  to  make  these  home  and 
room  occupations  interesting  and 
entertaining  to  his  Boy.  When  they 
are  interesting,  they  are  absorbing 
and  engaging  to  the  mind  as  well 
as  the  body. 


63 


XVIII 

THE  BOY  AND  HIS  READING 

I READING  is  one  of  the  chief 
^ delights  of  your  Boy,  and 
because  it  is,  it  is  one  of  the  most 
vitally  important  factors  in  Boy- 
building, and  one  about  which  you, 
as  his  father,  cannot  be  too  much 
concerned.  We  may  well  give  the 
epigram,  “As  a man  thinketh,  so  is 
he,”  a new  direction:  “As  a Boy 
readeth,  so  is  he,”  largely.  Nor  is 
there  any  occasion  here  for  the 
deliriousness  and  fright  so  often 

assumed  by  the  professional  alarm- 
64 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

ist.  All  that  is  necessary  is  the 
expenditure  of  common  sense  and 
intelligent  judgment  on  the  part 
of  the  father. 

It  is  assumed  that  a father  may 
not  wholly  know  the  character  of 
the  associates  and  chosen  compan- 
ions of  his  Boy,  but  he  can  know 
altogether  the  character  of  his  Boy’s 
companions  whom  he  meets  and 
talks  with  in  books.  And  he 
ought  to  know  them  and  the  in- 
fluence they  are  to  exert  upon  the 
mind  and  heart  of  his  Boy.  There 
should  be  restriction  by  the  father  as 

to  the  quality  and  quantity  of  read- 
65 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

ing  matter;  a fair  and  just  super- 
vision of  books.  There  is  a lavish 
provision  in  our  public  libraries  for 
the  free  gratification  of  the  reading 
taste.  The  right  and  usefulness  of 
that  provision  ought  to  be  a ques- 
tion to  be  settled  largely  by  the 
father.  Fiction  will  always  be  a 
large  part  of  your  Boy’s  reading; 
and  your  duty  is  to  see  that  his 
stories  contain  mental  and  moral 
nutrition,  and  that  the  imagination, 
as  the  most  creative  element  in  your 
Boy’s  mind,  be  fed  bountifully  in 
true  and  harmless  and  beautiful 

ways.  Many  of  our  ablest  and  most 
66 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

accomplislied  modern  writers  have 
contributed  to  the  stock  of  juvenile 
literature.  This  fact  assures  the 
issuance  of  entertaining  and  inter- 
esting, as  well  as  helpful,  books 
for  the  Boy,  which  will  aid  the 
father  in  his  supervision  and  selec- 
tion of  reading  matter.  The  father 
ought  to  have  the  best  and  widest 
knowledge  possible  in  respect  to 
desirable  books  and  papers  for  his 
Boy.  Nothing  that  is  likely  to  lead 
to  a perverted  imagination,  or  false 
views  of  life,  should  be  allowed. 

Books  and  papers  of  this  last 

character  are  scattered  broadcast 
67 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

in  our  land.  As  well,  there  is 
an  ample  supply  of  the  other  kind, 
where  splendid  stories  are  attrac- 
tively told;  where  the  language  is 
good  and  pure,  the  descriptions  of 
character  and  of  places  are  vivid, 
and  the  narratives  and  conver- 
sations themselves  are  invested 
with  all  the  glamour  and  bright- 
ness which  each  one  of  our  best 
authors  knows  how  to  throw  about 
his  subject.  In  such  books  there 
is  a deep  undercurrent  of  good 
teaching,  which  the  young  reader 
is  well-nigh  certain  to  find  and 

appropriate.  The  importance  of 

68 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

style  in  a book  for  a Boy  can 
hardly  be  overestimated.  It  cre- 
ates in  him  a love  of  fine  dic- 
tion and  cultivates  good  taste.  It 
may  be  asserted  that  one  great 
reason  which  unconsciously  causes 
a bright  lad  to  enjoy  his  story-book 
is  the  beauty  of  the  diction. 

One  of  the  first  conditions  of  a 
good  book,  for  a Boy,  is  that  it 
should  not  be  written  contemp- 
tuously, with  the  notion  that  any 
nonsense  and  a slovenly  use  of 
language  will  do  for  the  purpose, 
or  with  the  patronizing  air  of  one 

who  writes  down  rather  than  up  to 
69 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

the  level  of  a Boy’s  comprehension. 
The  point  of  view  from  which  a 
bright  Boy  looks  into  literature  and 
the  world  is  not  necessarily  a lower 
one  than  that  of  the  'author.  Dif- 
ferent, no  doubt;  but  the  difference 
is  one  of  kind  rather  than  of 
degree. 

Books  for  your  Boy  should 
awaken  his  curiosity,  feed  his  fancy 
and  imagination,  stimulate  his  men- 
tal and  moral  qualities,  entertain 
and  interest  him,  provide  him  with 
ideals  of  robust  manliness,  and  not 
in  any  sense  pander  to  viciousness. 

Such  books  and  papers  are  plenti- 
70 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

ful.  Give  the  Boy  romance,  but 
the  best  there  is ; that  which  gives 
his  mind  a love  of  the  great  and 
the  wholesome;  that  which  carries 
his  thoughts  out  from  himself,  stirs 
his  observant  and  reflective  facul- 
ties. Interlard  this  with  reading 
that  goes  hand  in  hand  with  his 
school  work ; the  one  helps  the 
other.  Of  course,  no  father  wants 
his  Boy’s  mind  fed  on  the  trashy 
stuff  that  lies  within  the  covers  of 
the  average  five-cent  novel.  A 
little  care  and  kindly  advice  will 
soon  make  it  out  of  the  question 

for  the  Boy  to  enjoy  a book  of 
71 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


questionable  morality.  Books  that 
increase  the  knowledge  of  the  Boy, 
that  add  to  his  skill  or  arouse  his 
enthusiasm,  that  make  him  appre- 
ciative of  what  is  good  and  true, 
and  that  render  him  more  resolute 
to  follow  what  is  best  and  highest, 
are  the  books  you  should  put  into 
his  hands. 


72 


XIX 

CHOICE  OF  LIFE-WORK 

Then  there  comes  the  question 
of  the  life-work  of  your  Boy. 
It  is  here  that  some  of  the  greatest 
blunders  of  parents  are  made. 
These  blunders  are  needless  because 
heedless. 

The  nature  of  the  Boy  has  de- 
cided, or  is  deciding,  the  place  in 
life  that  he  can  fill  with  the  great- 
est satisfaction  to  himself  and 
others.  The  natural  bent  toward 
this  or  that  occupation  is  in  the 

Boy.  As  his  father,  it  is  your  busi- 
73 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

ness  to  find  that  bent  in  his  early 
life.  When  you  have  found  it,  fos- 
ter it  in  every  legitimate  way. 
Never  oppose  it  by  trying  to  make 
something  else  of  him. 

Nature  has  put  within  your  Boy 
the  embryonic  qualities  of  the  engi- 
neer, the  carpenter,  the  blacksmith, 
the  physician,  the  lawyer,  the  mer- 
chant, the  preacher,  the  teacher, 
the  farmer — some  one  of  the  many 
occupations  of  men  in  life.  These 
qualities  you  are  to  discover  and 
aid  in  their  realization.  They  may 
run  athwart  your  plans  for  him, 
and  counter  your  dearest  wishes; 

but  if  you  are  wise,  and  have  gar- 

74 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


nered  anything  worth  while  out  of 
your  experience  in  the  world,  you 
will  not  attempt  to  force  your  Boy 
into  some  sphere  of  life-work  for 
which  it  is  apparent  he  has  no 
natural  bent,  no  aptitude,  no 
earnest  desire  or  thought  or  en- 
thusiasm. 

You  may  sincerely  desire  a re- 
production of  yourself  in  your  Boy, 
so  far  as  occupation  is  concerned, 
a desire  to  make  him  another  yon; 
and  happy  are  you  if  nature  in 
the  Boy  is  with  you  in  it.  But  the 
blunder  of  all  blunders  will  be  the 
effort  to  make  him  a merchant,  or 

a lawyer,  or  a preacher,  if  nature 
75 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

has  outfitted  him  for  a farmer,  a 
mechanic,  or  an  artist. 

Study  his  originality,  his  initia- 
tive. Recognize  the  personal  pe- 
culiarities of  your  Boy  in  these 
matters,  then  cheerfully  guide  and 
aid  his  development  along  his  own 
leanings. 

If  you  do  not,  and  you  push  him 
or  persuade  him  into  some  other 
place,  perchance  because  it  an- 
guishes your  soul  to  see  the  smut 
of  the  shop  on  him,  you  will  see 
him  as  a square  man  in  a round 
hole,  or  a round  man  in  a square 

hole — a misfit  for  life,  a sadly  pa- 
76 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


thetic,  spoiled  life.  In  the  wretch- 
edness of  dissatisfied  existence,  the 
fret  and  chafing  of  it,  in  its  failure 
of  success,  your  Boy  will  pay  the 
penalty  of  your  heedless,  needless 
blunder  of  trying  to  defeat  a nat- 
ural law.  These  things  have  their 
price,  and  the  price  must  be  paid. 

The  world  is  full  of  these  pathetic 
misfits — lawyers  who  should  have 
been  carpenters,  and  carpenters 
who  should  have  been  lawyers  or 
doctors;  ministers  who  should  have 
been  merchants,  and  merchants  who 
should  have  gone  into  the  pulpit; 

and  so  on,  through  the  long  list. 

77 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

If  your  boy  has  a natural  taste 
and  aptitude  for  music,  do  not  spoil 
a successful  career  in  this  direc- 
tion by  trying  to  make  him  drop  it 
for  the  tools  of  a mechanic.  It  is 
safer,  and  far  more  sane,  to  let  him 
follow  his  ambition.  Encourage  it. 
If  the  Boy  would  rather  play  with 
tools  than  eat,  stand  by  him.  Pitch 
your  own  notions  to  the  winds,  and 
help  him  develop  his  individuality 
in  its  own  natural  direction.  The 
bent  of  your  Boy  will  reveal  itself 
in  one  way  or  another. 

My  own  Boy  wanted  one  of  two 
things,  and  the  desire  came  out  in  a 

78 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


queer  way.  Getting  off  a train  and 
walking  past  the  powerful  locomo- 
tive behind  which  we  had  been 
travelling  swiftly,  my  Boy  pulled  at 
my  arm  and  pointed  to  the  cab  of  the 
engine,  saying:  “Up  there  is  where  I 
want  to  be,  papa”;  then  he  added, 
“or  behind  the  guns  in  the  navy.” 

I had  altogether  different  plans 
and  desires  for  my  Boy’s  future, 
but  thence  on,  I dismissed  them, 
never  mentioned  them  to  him,  and 
willingly  helped  him  to  a realiza- 
tion of  his  desire.  I am  glad  that 
I did,  for  he  is  not  a misfit,  and 
has  made  good. 

79 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


History  is  replete  with  cases 
where  the  father  has  attempted  to 
take  a Boy  away  from  nature  and 
make  a misfit  of  him,  and  nature 
has  always  won  out.  There  were 
Webster,  and  Adams,  and  Benja- 
min West,  and  Michael  Angelo,  and 
Bach,  and  Handel,  and  Arkwright, 
and  Galileo,  and  Watts,  and  A.  T. 
Stewart,  and  numberless  others, 
whose  fathers  made  a losing  fight. 
It  is  wise  for  you  to  find  out  which 
way  nature  is  leading  your  Boy  in 
the  matter  of  life-work,  then  cheer- 
fully acquiesce,  and  help  the  Boy 
on  his  way. 


80 


XX 

ENCOURAGE  PHYSICAL  DEVELOPMENT 

Quite  always  a Boy  is  physi- 
cally active,  athletic,  brimful 
of  physical  unrest.  But  he  uses  it 
in  chunks,  with  no  system  or  regu- 
larity or  purpose  in  its  expenditure. 
This  you  are  to  teach  him.  Teach 
him  the  value  of  health  and  a fine 
physical  condition.  Teach  him  that 
a well  man  is  a king  among  men. 
Men  like  to  look  at  him;  women 
admire  him;  children  confide  in  him. 
Teach  your  Boy  the  intimate  rela- 
tions of  mental,  moral,  and  physical 
81 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

health;  how  they  hang  together, 
grow  together,  are  dependent  on 
each  other.  Teach  him  how  to  con- 
serve physical  strength,  and  how  to 
develop  it  in  a rational,  sane  way; 
how  to  build  up  any  weak  points 
that  he  may  have,  until  his  phy- 
sique is  symmetrical  and  service- 
able. Point  out  the  habits  that 
neutralize  and  weaken  his  physical 
nature.  Do  not  minimize  these 
habits ; better  set  his  thoughts 
toward  the  maximum  of  their  evil. 
Show  him  this  in  the  object  lessons 
of  afflicted  and  subnormal  men  and 

boys.  Develop  a sense  of  responsi- 
82 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


bility  in  him  in  this  matter  of  the 
physical  nature.  Point  out  the  dif- 
ference between  making  a fad  of 
physical  training,  and  a sane  and 
systematic  development. 


83 


XXI 

HAND-CRAFT  AND  HEAD-CRAFT 

Give  your  Boy  all  the  educa- 
tional training  of  the  book- 
and-school  kind  you  can,  even 
adding  to  the  three  K’s,  the  dear 
old  classical  kind.  Give  him  Greek 
and  Latin  and  all  the  rest  of  the 
flowers  of  the  Hymettian  field,  if 
you  will,  but,  somehow,  give  him 
training  in  the  field  of  manual 
work — hand-craft.  There  is  a 

steadily  increasing  demand  in  the 
business  life  of  this  country  for 

brains  coupled  with  technical  skill. 
84 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 

The  advertising  columns  of  your 
daily  newspaper  make  this  very 
clear.  Even  if  your  Boy  goes  into 
the  professional  field,  a knowledge 
of  and  experience  with  hand-craft 
will  prove  of  positive  benefit  to 
him. 

In  the  absence  of  the  old-while 
apprenticeship,  the  only  alternar 
tive  is  to  give  him  tools  and  the 
lessons  from  the  correspondence  or 
the  technical  schools.  These  are 
developing  and  practical.  The 
Boy’s  best  intelligence,  and  that 
natural  bent  which  manifests  itself 

at  an  early  age  and  which  is 

85 


BUILDING  YOUE  BOY 


nature’s  way  of  showing  in  what 
direction  he  is  best  calculated  to 
work,  will  turn  him  to  a given  occu- 
pation and  decide  that  he  can  fol- 
low it  to  advantage. 

You  may  have  a Boy  who  has 
grown  tired  of  school.  This  may 
be  because  of  his  slow  progress  or 
of  some  inherent  weakness.  He  has 
tired  of  the  uphill  work;  the  fa- 
tigue of  study  is  genuine  with 
him.  He  has  lost  his  interest. 
He  is  fifteen  or  sixteen  and  has 
his  eye  on  some  handicraft  occu- 
pation. He  longs  to  begin  it  as 

his  life-work.  If  he  is  a thought- 

86 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


ful  Boy,  he  is  probably  right  about 
leaving  school.  If,  after  a thorough 
investigation  and  study  of  the 
situation,  these  facts  are  made  clear, 
your  duty  is  plain:  let  him  go  into 
the  shop  or  store,  and  bid  him 
Godspeed.  To  keep  him  in  school, 
of  which  he  is  tired,  and  where  he 
makes  no  reasonable  progress,  is 
an  unwise  thing  to  do.  It  invites 
trouble  and  disaster. 

Covet  for  your  Boy  the  best  gifts, 
then  see  to  it  that  he  has  the  freest 
choice  and  opportunity  to  make 
the  most  and  the  best  of  his  life. 

Let  everything  you  do  for  your 
87 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY 


Boy  invite  his  affection  and  confi- 
dence ; let  it  beckon  bis  aspira- 
tions for  what  is  highest  and  best, 
and  awaken  true  ambition.  So 
train  and  so  build  him  that  his 
character  will  be  not  only  symmet- 
rical, but  a symphony  of  all  the 
virtues  which  make  for  true  suc- 
cess. It  is  a great  privilege. 


THE  END 


88 


BUILDING  YOUR  BOY: 

HOW  TO  DO  IT.  HOW  NOT  TO  DO  IT 


nPHAT  “BUILDING  YOUR  BOY”  has  the 
^ hearty  approval  of  the  press  is  indicated  by 
the  following  extracts  from  reviews : 

Springfield  (Massachusetts)  Republican: 

“Mr.  Wayne’s  essay  is  a little  sermon  to  the  father 
who  thinks  he’s  ‘too  busy’  to  attend  to  his  boy,  and  if 
such  a father  reads  the  book  he  will  be  sure  to  appre- 
ciate, if  he  hasn’t  realized  it  already,  that  properly 
bringing  up  a boy  is  a good  deal  of  an  undertaking.” 

Rocky  Mountain  News^  Denver: 

‘ ‘ Most  excellent  suggestions  to  fathers  on  the  train- 
ing and  companioning  of  sons.  It  is  to  be  hoped  the 
book  will  find  many  readers.” 

The  Advance^  Chicago: 

“It  is  a little  volume,  but  it  contains  a lot  of  dynamic 
suggestions  to  the  father  which,  if  he  will  accept  and 
put  into  practice,  are  likely  to  help  him  to  start  his 
boy  on  the  way  to  becoming  a fine  man.” 

Journal  qf  Education ^ Boston: 

“This  is  a mighty  wholesome  book.  It  is  primarily 
a book  for  fathers,  and  all  the  more  important  because 
it  is  for  them,  because  it  dares  to  assume  that  it  is 
primarily  the  father’s  business  to  build  the  boy  into  a 
young  man.  It  is  admirably  written.  There  are 
twenty-one  chapters,  each  crisp,  direct,  and  earnest.” 

Religious  Telescope ^ Dayton,  Ohio: 

“ ‘Building  Your  Boy  ’ is  a thoughtful  little  book. 
Every  father  should  send  himself  a copy  as  a gift.” 

A.  C.  McCLURG  & CO.,  Publishers 

NEW  YORK  CHICAGO  SAN  FRANCISCO 


BOOKS  OF  INTEREST 

IN  CONNECTION  WITH  CHILD  STUDY 


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A MOTHER’S  LIST  OF  BOOKS  FOR  CHILDREN 

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UNIVERSITY  OF  ILLINOIS-URBANA 


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